Do you still have your period?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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