you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
