I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
