I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
