i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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