Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Shame - the story of my life.
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