Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
