Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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