If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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