Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
