Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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