You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
