glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just found puke in my bra..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
