It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
