So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
