i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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