I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
