Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
