He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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