I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
