I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
