just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
