He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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