You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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