These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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