btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
