i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
