before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
