i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
