Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
