i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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