my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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