We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
