Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
