she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
