Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
