eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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