I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
