five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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