You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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