But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
