Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
