Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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