She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
