apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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