sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sober January is a disaster.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
