YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
