halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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