I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
