I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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